I was the type of person who never falls in love with the people closest to her. I prefer to crush on guys who don’t know me personally (yet) and in the past, I only liked the ‘ex-crushes’ after they have made a move on me. I didn’t know them enough before I let my barriers down. Usually, too, when those that I like turn to like me back, I… Well, I tend to fall out of love with them, if that even qualifies as love. I end up just befriending them.
These past few months, I have been crushing on this close friend of mine, who happens to share my initials (AM) and I haven’t fallen out of ‘like’ with him yet. Despite the fact that he’s deeply in love with his girl and that I’m supposed to not like him because we are now close friends. I thought this would go away, as this has happened plenty of times before, but I was quite mistaken. He remains a happy crush of mine and it sucks because it reminds me that I end up feeling things for people who are either taken or impossible to attract.
But this does not mean that I am that upset with my lovelife, even if sometimes I get quite depressed about it. I still love being single and I’m just careful now—I really do not want to repeat the mistakes I committed when I was younger and naïve.
A Love Story
//Before anything else, I would just like to say that I told this story to my entire class for our graded story telling. Anyway. Here it is.
I was supposed to tell you a story about football but then I realized that it was boring and that you might not understand some of the technical terms so I opted to tell this one instead. As most of you know, I’m very much into boys but I have had no such luck on this love thing. However, as inexperienced as I am, I still have certainly felt something like “love” before so here it goes.
So there’s this guy who lives across my cousin’s house in Pasig, who happens to be my cousin’s best friend and my former best friend’s brother. It was in preschool when we first met and it was during Christmas and New Year’s Eve parties that we would bond. Eventually, after all the time that we had spent together, I had developed a crush on him. And, yes, I was a toddler when I had my first crush.
Years later, in high school, an unknown number texted me one night. It was him. He told me that he got my number from my cousin. From that moment on, we texted each other day and night and night and day as if we didn’t feel sleepy at all. Months later, he asked me the “question”. Inititally, I was startled and delighted because finally, someone—my first crush at that—likes me back. But I was also confused because I really did not want to have a boyfriend then. So I ask my friends for guidance and they demanded that I say yes because I didn’t have a chance with Kevin Jonas anyway (I was very much obsessed with the Jonas Brothers then). So, I agreed to be his girlfriend, partly because I really liked him and partly because my friends insisted. A day later I broke up with him but we still kept texting each other because we still liked each other.
A week after that, my family and I went to Pasig and—surprise, surprise—he was also there. One midnight, I was talking to his sister, and just a few meters away, he was there conversing with my cousin. Apparently he was telling him that he still likes me and he thinks that I’ve thrown something great away. Coincidentally, I was telling his sister the same thing—that I still like him and that I feel that we had was “sayang” because we could’ve lasted longer. But that’s the thing with people. We only realize the value of something after we’ve lost it.