To Whom It May Concern

As I have states over and over again, I am a romantic—I believe in fairytales and happy endings—but more accurately, I am a hopeless romantic because, well, I always end up falling hopelessly in love with people who may never like me back. Nevertheless, I am still quite a romantic, which brings me back to the fact that I am waiting for my own Prince Charming. And while the idea of his arriving in a matter of weeks is silly, I even did something sillier—I made a poem about the one .
It was actually our final examination for my English class, but I can assure you I felt a lot while writing it. The idea of writing that poem struck me while I was comfortably sitting in a Starbucks, drinking a grande Caramel Macchiato. Our exam was still months away but I felt some sort of inspiration so I opted to note the idea.
On the eve of our exams, prior to going to the airport to fetch my dad, I wrote the poem. It was like an open letter to all the guys that I’ve liked and all the others that might appear in my life. And I felt good about it. It felt like something I would normally write. I thought it was so good that I wanted to give it to my future husband.
But my best friend argued otherwise. As my critic, she suggested I give that to a future boyfriend instead, because it’s more fitting. And I agreed. So, I now decided to make a different poem for the future husband, telling him of my journey of finding him. Currently, my mind’s still blank about this but the ideas will flow once the inspiration kicks in. And I suppose it would be better if I wrote something much more detailed and specific to only him.
In the mean time, here is To Whom It May Concern

Maybe you’re the epitome of gorgeous

—with those dreamy eyes and that tan skin and those sculpted arms and that chiseled torso.

Maybe you’re an amateur football striker with world-class skills and maybe you’re the top of your class.

Maybe you’re the type to open doors for someone else, the one who waits for all the ladies to exit before he leaves, the guy who drapes his jacket around someone’s shoulders when it gets cold

And maybe you loved riding bicycles and playing Scrabble and eating churros as much as I did.

But maybe you read all the books that I hated and loathed the songs that I adored.

Maybe you told jokes that never made sense, and maybe you snored loudly, ceaselessly every time you slept

Maybe you hate holding the umbrella for someone else when it rains.

Maybe you could hardly play the drums

or hum a single note

or dance a single step

or even hit a single ball.

Maybe you’re not as tall as I have thought

Maybe you’re not as hot either.

I know you’re somewhere out there

—it’s just that, you’re not who I think you are

—it’s just that you’re not exactly who I dreamed you to be.

But I know you’re there. I’m sure of it.

Maybe you strolled in the malls that I frequented

Maybe you jogged along the path I also jogged in every night

And maybe you’re also in the University I’m studying in, probably majoring in a program aside from Psychology

Or maybe you’re not near at all.

Maybe you’re having your adventure in the wild forests of South America,

Or backpacking through the narrow brick roads of various European cities.

Or maybe you’re just sitting on your couch at home, watching whatever’s on TV.

And maybe you’re living in an old “casa” in España 

or in a tiny loft in New York City.

I know you’re somewhere out there

—just probably not living in postcard towns or cities

—just probably not exploring the world’s nooks and crannies

But I know you’re there. I’m sure of it.

Maybe the first time our paths crossed was in that amusement park I went to when I was five

Or maybe you were watching the grade school Nativity play where I was the only brown angel

Maybe the first time our lives intersected was when your high school team defeated us in that inter-school debate competition.

Or maybe fate never allowed us to meet in the past

maybe I was looking at another guy when you happened to pass by

Maybe you were out on a date with your girlfriend when I walked in the street you lived in.

Or maybe you’re marveling at the starry night sky while here I am, cursing the blinding rays of the rising sun.

Maybe… I haven’t met you yet.

I know you’re somewhere out there

—it’s just that, now isn’t the time.

But I know you’re there. I’m sure of it.

I know you’re somewhere out there

—I just must be looking into the wrong faces

—just must be staring at the wrong eyes

—just must be smiling at the wrong people.

I know you’re somewhere out there

—I just must be searching in the wrong places

—just must be walking into the wrong streets or alleys

—just must be running in the opposite direction.

But I know you’re there. I’m sure of it.

Maybe you don’t look perfect, maybe you don’t like the perfect things

And maybe you’re not in the perfect place, maybe you don’t have the perfect timing

And maybe we are not a perfect fit.

but maybe you are the one.

And, as silly and as cliché as this may sound, 

I know that you’re Romeo and I’m Juliet,

I know that you’re Mr Darcy and I’m Elizabeth Bennett,

I know that you’re Aladdin and I’m Jasmine,

—just as I know that you’re there and I know that I’m right here

hoping

learning

praying

preparing

waiting.

Soooooooo….

The College Bucketlist

In two years (hopefully!), I will be walking up the stage, wearing my toga and cap and all, to shake the hand of a professor and take my diploma with a smile. Of course, there would still be another four years—of Medicine School—after that but you get the point. Graduation. Before I even set foot on that platform, before I wear that cap on my head, I want to be able to experience several things that I believe would be crucial to my growth as a person.

1. Donate blood. This was supposed to happen a few months back but it didn’t so I’m still waiting for that chance. And of course, I would not do this only once because I want this to be a regular activity of mine.
2. Watch a basketball game at the front area. I have been watching our school’s games since I was a freshman but I always end up at the balcony. It’s not that far but seeing the game transpire just a couple of meters from you is a tad much better.
3. Be an Org committee head. Well, this is kind of a far-fetched dream now but I still have plans of pursuing this. I want to join Red Cross this year and I actually want to apply as a committee head, if that was even possible. If not, well I’ll apply as a member and then apply as a committee head. I really need and want this.
4. Be a classroom officer. Ha! This one I never intended to include but since I was voted as the new president, I might as well include it.
5. Study a summer abroad. Maybe this isn’t possible for me now, as I’m almost in my third year and I need to take extra classes in the summer but I still want this to happen. Maybe when I’m in MedSchool I’d be able to pursue this dream of mine.
6. Have a roadtrip. I have been itching to ride a car spacious enough for my friends and I and just go anywhere. It would be very fun.
7. Have that summer trip with my high school friends. Preferably somewhere far from our hometown. I just want us to experience something new altogether.
8. Get in the Dean’s List. Well, it’s mainly because I’m an overachiever.
9. Score a winning goal. As a member of our college football/soccer varsity, it would be quite rewarding, extremely awesome to score a winning goal.
10. Learn a different language. I’m starting Spanish in the summer so I’m already on the track. I also intend to study Mandarin, as it is the most widely spoken language in the world (and also because I cannot understand Meteor Garden!).
11. Win the best thesis award with my thesis groupmates. It’s the dream.
12. Have a boyfriend. Because I don’t have one and I want to experience the thrill of falling in love. Don’t get me wrong, I have crushes and I’ve had previous romantic ‘relationships’ but I just currently don’t have one.
13. Go on a weekend trip.I don’t know where, maybe as far as CamSur or Ilocos or as near as Clark or Batangas. It doesn’t matter where just as long as I have that trip.
14. Experience a festival.This I would really love to try to experience with my friends because it’s going to be a really enjoyable experience. I still have to save money though.

15.  And finally, Graduate. Preferably with Latin Honors. I honestly think that this is quite impossible but I am still hoping to graduate with Latin Honors, even if it’s just Cum Laude. At least that helps for medicine school applications. And, I know that would make me feel good because as I have mentioned above, I am quite an overachiever.

I have just realized that I have this penchant for things, places, and people that I can’t have. It seems that I am attracted to challenges. Huh. Never thought of it that way.

In exactly ten days, my second semester of my second year in college is going to end and I could not be more excited. Well, as usual I would just spend the majority of my vacation on my bed, in front of my loving laptop, but since our vacation is longer than expected, I’ve decided to go on the trips I’ve long wanted to have.

That might actually be the reason why I’m writing this now instead of reviewing for the two chemistry quizzes we have in less than two hours. Actually, I’ve been doing nothing but researching about foreign countries (esp. Spain) and student exchange programs and medicine schools in foreign countries. Clearly, I cannot wait for this semester to end.

Meh

I’m obviously not on my way to the goal.

2.6.14

I was the type of person who never falls in love with the people closest to her. I prefer to crush on guys who don’t know me personally (yet) and in the past, I only liked the ‘ex-crushes’ after they have made a move on me. I didn’t know them enough before I let my barriers down. Usually, too, when those that I like turn to like me back, I… Well, I tend to fall out of love with them, if that even qualifies as love. I end up just befriending them.
These past few months, I have been crushing on this close friend of mine, who happens to share my initials (AM) and I haven’t fallen out of ‘like’ with him yet. Despite the fact that he’s deeply in love with his girl and that I’m supposed to not like him because we are now close friends. I thought this would go away, as this has happened plenty of times before, but I was quite mistaken. He remains a happy crush of mine and it sucks because it reminds me that I end up feeling things for people who are either taken or impossible to attract.
But this does not mean that I am that upset with my lovelife, even if sometimes I get quite depressed about it. I still love being single and I’m just careful now—I really do not want to repeat the mistakes I committed when I was younger and naïve.